WaT The Right Thing To Do
by Mariel3
Summary: What Van Doren knew along... JS


TITLE: The Right Thing To Do Author: Mariel Series: WAT Pairing: J/S  
  
Summary: What Van Doren knew...  
  
Disclaimer: Apologies to those who actually own these characters, but thank you for the loan of them just the same.  
  
Author's Note: This is a first for me. Hope you enjoy...  
  
Paula Van Doren had seen a lot in her years with the FBI. When younger and an agent in the field, she'd learned much about people, motivations and human nature. In recent years she'd honed her observational skills as an administrator. Now, after several years in her position, she felt confident in when not to worry about a situation and when to see a situation developing and sit up and take notice.  
  
Though she couldn't have put her finger on a reason why at the time, she had sat up and taken notice the first day Special Agent Samantha Spade walked into the Missing Persons department.  
  
The young agent had been a wild card she hadn't anticipated. Youthful and idealistic, reserved and methodical, Samantha had settled into her role as a member of the Missing Person's unit with unexpected grace. Van Doren had been pleased with that, but less so with something else she quickly observed: Samantha Spade seemed strongly and unaccountably drawn to her immediate supervisor, Jack Malone. It was not, she had thought at the time, been a totally unexpected thing: the two agents - one middle-aged, experienced and dedicated, the other young, enthusiastic, and energetic - had melded into a duo that worked together seamlessly. The mentorship role the older man assumed made the attraction understandable and not something to be of concern.  
  
Still, she had felt the need to continue to watch carefully. There was something about the way they related, something about the subtle undercurrents of their interactions, that bore watching.  
  
Even when she saw that Jack reciprocated Samantha's feelings, however, she wouldn't have said that she was overly concerned: she knew Jack well. He would never, she believed, embark on an affair unless he allowed himself to become totally involved, both physically and emotionally, and that wasn't likely to happen: as was her responsibility to know, Jack had remained steadfastly faithful to his marriage vows in spite of the long-standing rocky state of the marriage itself.  
  
Samantha was another story, however. Whether she was the kind of woman to get herself entangled in a relationship that would be both professionally and morally questionable was something she couldn't determine. Looking at her track record, she had taken a guess at 'not'; looking at her and Jack together, though, she could only wonder 'when'. They were, Paula came to realise slowly, too perfectly syncronised in their needs not to at some point collide.  
  
And so while at first it was merely her curiosity of human nature that had her observing them closely and trying to figure out what it was that attracted them to each other, it was not long before she stopped wondering about what it was that caused the attraction and began wondering about what the attraction might cause - and how, ultimately, she would deal with it.  
  
When they stepped over the line, she had been left with the problem of what to do. She had pondered it for some time before deciding that they were blessedly discreet enough that she could play the game of wait and see. That decision left her in the questionable position of being guardian to their secret - an accomplice, if you like - but, until a few weeks ago, the role had not proven difficult: yes, they worked a majority of cases together, and yes, they worked late often, but they had not disappeared during the day together, did not linger overlong in whispered conversations or done any of those things that lovers do to give their secret away. In short, had she not been as insightful as she was - and had she not been privy to the information she had gathered - she would easily had said they were simply excellent partners. That Jack seemed happier, sharper, and more content was merely a bonus.  
  
When they ended the affair, Van Doren had wondered mightily about why. All her instincts told her it didn't feel right, that not enough had changed between them...but fact was fact: the affair was over.  
  
But not, her inner voice whispered, the emotion.  
  
Which is why she decided to step in and make comment. It was never, she felt, wise to let people think they had 'gotten away' with something undetected. If you break the rules you should be at least made aware that it is known that you have - even if no consequences are handed down. It made people more careful in their future decisions.  
  
Standing behind her desk, she had stopped him from leaving after one of their meetings.  
  
"Jack."  
  
He'd kept his hand on the door knob and turned to looked at her questioningly.  
  
"There's one more thing."  
  
"Oh?" he asked, turning more fully towards her.  
  
"You put yourself in a dangerous situation with Agent Spade," she said in a casual tone. "I'm glad you two have come to your senses."  
  
He looked at her, then glanced away quickly. She could see his mind working furiously, saw him even consider denying that he understood what she was saying. Finally, he turned to her and, eyes steady, said in a low tone, "Our jobs were in no way affected. You know that." She nodded. "I know. What I don't know is how it might have affected your jobs in the future. There are reasons for the rules." She paused a moment, then asked, "It is over, correct?"  
  
"I'm working on straightening things out with Marie, yeah." He paused a moment, looked about to say something, but then asked simply, "Is that all?"  
  
"That's all."  
  
With that, he had opened the door and left her office.  
  
The witch hunt against Jack had begun a few months after that. Not even the most quiet of relationships could have been kept totally from the enthusiastic (and some might have said malicious) investigative skills of Agent Farrell.  
  
Van Doren had done what she could, but his questions had demanded answers. Jack and his bloody doing the right thing: he'd saved the boy by doing what he'd done, but in refusing a criminal his right to speak to his attorney, he had also broken the law - and ultimately allowed a dangerous sex offender back out on the streets. Add that to the unfortunate death in the terrorist scare incident and you had one royal mess. There were enquiries, internal investigations, and accusations of incompetence, cover up, and lying.  
  
And then had come the question about Jack's relationship with one of his subordinates.  
  
Van Doren had thanked her lucky stars that the affair had been over a while before the shit hit the fan. Knowing any information the man dug up on them would be circumstantial, she pretended ignorance: Jack, so far as she knew, had a troubled marriage but one he was working on. Samantha, she could assure the investigator, was, to her knowledge at least, seeing a man in the NYPD; she couldn't say how serious the relationship was, but he sent flowers, if that was any indication. Jack and Samantha were close, of course, but no closer than good team members often become.  
  
When the investigation had been abruptly called off and Farrell recalled to whatever cage they kept him in when he wasn't digging dirt, Van Doren had allowed herself a moment to feel relief and then put the matter behind her. She and Jack never made reference to their brief conversation in her office so many weeks ago.  
  
Until, that is, she got word that Samantha Spade was a hostage in an undercover drop gone bad and that Jack was doing the negotiating.  
  
Before long, she was standing in a theatre window watching Jack play hero across the street by rescuing his fair maiden and sacrificing himself. She shook her head. Like hell it was over. Maybe Jack had really believed it when he'd told her, but as a woman who firmly put her faith in where the evidence lay, she begged to differ.  
  
She glanced sideways at Agent Fitzgerald and wondered what he was making of all this. He'd been standing close enough to hear her reasons for protesting Jack as negotiator,(...which is what makes me doubt whether or not you have proper objectivity, particularly because it's *this* particular agent...) and knew there was even a chance he'd heard Jack's quiet explanation as to why he should be (...which is why if she tries to communicate something to me covertly, I'm the best one to interpret it. I know her...). She'd tried to be discreet, but- by the look on his face as he watched the drama play out, Martin was adding things up. She sighed.  
  
"What did he say to you?"  
  
"Nothing." His eyes still on the store across from them, he shrugged, "He just handed me his stuff. You saw the rest."  
  
She nodded. Nothing they could do about it now. Tomorrow, if everyone got through this in one piece, would be a different matter. Turning to look at the young agent more directly, she covered one more base: "Agent, if you have any observations to make or questions to ask concerning what you have seen - or overheard - today, I am the only person you should be making them to. Do you understand? I would hate to hear that any misinformation was being bandied about after this is over."  
  
Martin stared at her a moment. Recognizing an order to keep his suspicions to himself when he heard it, he nodded slowly in understanding.  
  
Late the next day, she called Jack into her office...  
  
"That was quite a show you put on last night, Jack."  
  
Malone sat back into the chair across from his boss and regarded her silently. A beat, and then he asked, "What do you mean?"  
  
She shrugged. "You assured me it was over. Do you think you may need to reconsider that?"  
  
Not bothering to pretend he didn't understand what she was talking about, he passed a tired hand through his hair and asked, "This is getting kind of personal, isn't it?"  
  
Paula bit back her anger. Putting clear emphasis on each word, she berated him in a controlled tone, "You made it Bureau business when you pulled the exchange, Jack. You shouldn't have gone in without discussing your plan with me first. You were out of line, and you were out of line only because of who it was in that book store."  
  
He shook his head in disageement. "I would have done it for any of my team."  
  
She held his eyes a moment. "Don't split hairs with me - you know what I mean. You'd have gone in for any of them, I agree: but not on impulse the way you did; not without reviewing your decision with me. You know the protocol and you ignored it. For her, you made a split second, unilateral decision that you had no authority to make and you based that decision purely on the emotions you were feeling at the time."  
  
"I did what I believed to be the right thing at the time," he retorted stubbornly.  
  
"Because it was her."  
  
He opened his mouth to respond, then closed it.  
  
Her point scored, Van Doren relaxed into her chair. "How is it going between you and Maria?"  
  
If he was surprised or offended by her change in tone and topic, he didn't show it.  
  
"Not good."  
  
"Do you think it's hopeless?"  
  
He shrugged, his face showing some of the strain he had been through the past twenty-four hours. This wasn't a conversation he wanted to have right now. "I don't know. Maybe."  
  
"What about you and Samantha?"  
  
He was too tired for anything but honesty. "I don't know about that, either."  
  
"Maybe you should take some time to sort things out."  
  
He regarded her silently, and she suddenly realised what she should have known all along: Jack Malone, for the first time in his life felt he had no control. Jack Malone, for the first time in his life desperately wanted two things that were mutually exclusive, and it was tearing him apart. He wanted to do right by his wife and family, but he loved and needed Samantha Spade. Paula looked at him with new understanding. Jack Malone was in love with the wrong woman at the wrong time in the wrong place. She closed her eyes a brief second, then leaned forward, placing her elbows on the desk. "As your boss, Jack, I'm telling you that you've got to let it go; you've got to forget about it. Have her transfer to another department; find yourself another place to work; do something, but you've got to stop this before it causes serious problems. You continue whatever it is that's going on with Agent Spade and you risk your career and your reputation. I'd hate to see you do that."  
  
They sat together in a long moment of silence. Finally meeting her eyes, he told her in a gruff tone, "I don't know if I can do any of those things."  
  
"Try."  
  
He nodded and rose to go, knowing damned well that when he left, he would be going straight to Samantha.  
  
Van Doren knew it, too.  
  
She found herself once again stopping him before he opened the door.  
  
"Jack."  
  
He turned, and regarded her silently.  
  
More softly this time, she said, "Be careful, Jack. If the need arises, I don't know how much I can protect you."  
  
Jack looked at her in surprise, wondering if she understood fully what she was saying.  
  
They stood a long moment, taking measure of each other. Finally he said, "Trust me. Trust us."  
  
She nodded. "You're the best. You know it, I know it. This whatever that's going on, or went on, or will be going on...I don't want to know about it. I don't want to even hear rumours about it. I don't want to see any evidence of it whatsoever, ever, under any circumstances. Is that clear? Which means you'll have to be very careful with Fitzgerald, because he's not stupid and he was watching like a hawk when things went down last night. He knows, or if he doesn't, it won't take him much to be convinced. You take care of those things. Do whatever it is you have to do to put your life in order and keep yourself sane, but do it quietly." Waving a hand at the door, she finished, "Now get the hell out of my office, Jack."  
  
With much to think about, Jack got the hell out of her office.  
  
When the door closed, Van Doren sat down heavily. She'd started out preaching from the rule book. What the hell had happened? She grimanced at the question, knowing full well the answer: she'd said what she'd said because she knew he wouldn't end it. She knew enough of human nature to know he couldn't, no matter what he promised himself or others. Hell, she'd seen them together, saw how it was between them. How could life demand that they give that up?  
  
Made restless by her thoughts, she rose and walked to her window. For a long while, she stood and looked thoughtfully out on the city below. She wondered about all the lost souls out there; their loneliness, their needs, their sadness...  
  
Why, she thought, make it more difficult for these two...  
  
...Nodding slowly, she turned and made her way back to her desk.  
  
End The Right Thing to Do 


End file.
